Happy Mother's Day (to my mom)

When my older brothers were very little my mom had a very upsetting dream. In her dream, she and my two brothers were on a sandy beach. In the distance, she noticed a colossal wave coming towards them. She ran to grab her boys. She ran so quickly her feet felt like they were burning. They were all caught in the wave, but she managed to grab a hold of them, one in each arm. Holding on to them and kicking her feet to stay afloat, the wave began to struggle with her. She described it as, the wave, growing a hand. They tugged back and forth over the boys and in the end, she was left ashore, with only one of my brothers. My brother Tony was gone. She cried. She awoke and immediately ran to check on them as they slept peacefully in their beds.

I do not know who else she has told of this dream but she has only told me once after I had already had children. The dream is both cruel and powerful because years later Tony was killed by a gang-banger's stray bullet. Tony's death is not a secret but at the same time, it is not something we ever discuss. It is a painful and delicate memory.

And it is around this time of year, when the United States and Mexico are celebrating Mother's Day, that I mourn the tragedy and celebrate my mom. I know that my mom knows I love her. But I am not sure if she is aware of the admiration that I hold for her. She has managed to keep it together, maintain a strong family and raise three other children, locking in her heart, the memory of my brother and always trying to protect us against any "waves". She is strength.

Now, she will never read this post and I am fine with that. I am not sure if I want her too because it might cause her too much sorrow. Happy Mother's Day Mom.  I love you.