Motherhood is a Sad Thing Really

(C frustrated since her journey down the stairs holding her baby, an open umbrella and a hand-bag proved to be more difficult than expected.) 

“Motherhood is a sad thing really. You watch these little lives grow and fashion them to be a certain way. It is such a thrilling experience and then suddenly, one day, they are strangers and you are alone as if it all never happened. You realize that the happiness was only temporary, which makes for a very deep sadness.”  Those are not my words but they are my friend Josephine’s words. She’s 94 years old and thus the most experienced person that I know.

She is right. I’m unbelievably and authentically happy at the moment. Each day excites me and I find myself really taking in sensations and trying to remember details. The girls were in the bath tonight and Cristina, my two-year-old, politely asked to get out. I helped her out and as I knelt down to try and dry her off she lunged at me proceeding to tickle me. It was hilarious. She then stopped in front of me as I placed a towel over her damp body and opening her arms wide gave me a firm hug and held on for at least 30 seconds. “I love you so much.” she said.  I smiled at her trying to memorize every detail: where the curly locks on her head were falling, the depth of her dimples, the spaces in between her teeth, the smell of her bath wash, the droplets of water still on her arms.

I am overwhelmed by these moments. At 2 & 3, the girls are funny, quirky, loving, chatty, incredibly curious and interesting. They are constantly learning new things and watching their journey and being an instrumental part of it is both exhilarating and fulfilling.  I was very amused yesterday when they were silently waiting underneath their beds and when I asked what they were doing, I was told they were hibernating bears and they couldn’t possibly come out until the springtime.

Accepting that this is the happiest I’ve ever been, reminds me that it is probably the happiest I will ever be, thus it is all downhill from here on out. The girls are more independent every day. Cristina who decided to toilet train herself last week, recently started 5 hours of preschool a week and adores her teachers. Apollonia, who is 3, has friends and interests of her own.

In a year or two they will both have started school. Their teachers will be an enormous influence in their lives. They won’t need me around all of the time. They will grow to prefer the company of their friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers and spouses. Eventually, they might sit, in a foreign country blogging about life, while I am somewhere far from them, having a cup of tea and looking through old photographs asking “Where have the years gone? Motherhood is a sad thing really. You watch these little lives grow and fashion them to be a certain way. It is such a thrilling experience and then suddenly, one day, they are strangers.”