On Being 30 (ok 35)

I am no longer a “spring chicken.” More importantly, I don’t really mind. This is monumental since on the eve of my 30^th birthday, five years ago, I, for lack of a better term, “freaked the (f-expletive) out.” I hadn’t accomplished “enough”; I didn’t have “sufficient” children; I didn’t earn “enough” money; I wasn’t the “right” dress size; I hadn’t published “that” book and my house wasn’t the “perfect” dream home. In summary, I just wasn’t where my 20 year-old-self had envisaged my 30 year-old-self being.

Kids and Poo (As In Poop, Not The Bear)

Kids and Poo (As In Poop, Not The Bear)

Lots of things in my life have changed since having had children. Adjustments have been made.

For example, I bought my first pack of baby wipes in July 2009. I was 27. How on earth did I survive 27 years without baby wipes!?! Aside from being useful to clean butts, sticky fingers and disinfecting children in general, I sort of now use baby wipes for everything. AND. I. MEAN. EVERYTHING. ---- My kitchen hob looks shiny you say? Huggies Natural! My bathroom floor tiles are clean. Huggies Natural! It was nearing the end of the day and my underarms were a bit stinky before the school run. Oh yes. Huggies Natural. I’m just saying.

Yes. I’m Still Nursing My 17 Month Old.

“You are still breastfeeding?”

It’s probably one of the most common questions I get when my son, who is now 17 months old, toddles over, raises his arms and then leans into the ‘breastfeeding position’ as I lift him.

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

“He’s eating food right?”

“Yes. He eats all his meals but still feeds on demand.”

The truth is, he is my third child. I breastfed my two daughters before him, so when he came, I was sure that breastfeeding was going to be easy. It didn’t turn out that way. He was hungry and aggressive and had a latch so painful that my nipples were constantly bleeding and the pain was so strong that I threw a cup of tea across the room in anger once. I persevered through 6 weeks of pain and there were many tears. Then one day, like magic, we had a rhythm and since then it has been smooth sailing.

It comforts him. It soothes him. He sleeps well. He sleeps very well. I am in a position where I am able to feed him on demand. His sisters who are 4 and 5 are comfortable around ‘boobs’ and feeding. They often tell me, ‘the baby wants a feed.” They hang out with us while I nurse him, sometimes arguing over who gets to sit next to his head. Once he is drowsy, I place him in his cot and spend the rest of the night bonding with my girls.

I am still nursing. He is not ready to stop. I am not ready to stop. One day it will end. That will be it. Until then, I will gaze into my little man’s eyes.

pokorn and karits

My 4.5 year-old wrote me a note and told me not to open it until she was in bed. I just did. It says

‘Pleez bi pokorn and karits.’ (transation – please buy popcorn and carrots.) 

Work or Stay @ Home

Lisa Heffernan from GrownandFlown, wrote about her regrets leaving a high powered job to raise her children (link here).

Food for thought. That's all. It's bedtime for me.

Rantings About Career

I am still in career limbo – trying to keep one toe in the water whilst pondering whether to sod it all, stay at home, go back full-time or retrain and start working again once the kids are all in school.  I see women with plans and even more upsetting, women who are putting their plans into action, meeting goals and always one step closer to their goals. Ah well. Nevermind. What’s a mom to do? Sometimes I feel like moving to some obscure, cheap and beautiful part of the world where we can all live on next to nothing. I’d home school and we’d all be happy right?

Why I Hate British Airways and Why My 5 Month Old Has An Email Address

I know that it is not obvious from the title, but this is a gripe about a society that is becoming far too techy and the company culture that forces technology down our throats.

I just spent over 3,600 GBP (that’s over $6000) on flights with British Airways. And by ‘just spent’ I mean just today, a few hours ago. And I’m angry.  I think that’s a heap of money. So when I saw that my children’s flights weren’t linked to my frequent flyer number, I thought that I’d give them a ring and add my three children to my account. My thinking was that sometime in the future, I’d earn a free flight or upgrade, especially given that the children and I make this trip EVERY year.

The first problem I encountered was, I couldn’t find an appropriate number to ring. After really digging through the website, I came across one. I rang the number, a recording told me that they were very busy and tried to convince me to visit “my booking” on ba.com. I persevered through a very confusing (and unfriendly) options menu and finally spoke to a real live person, in a different country of course. Victorious I was 17 minutes later.

Why I Suck as a Mom: It All Started with a Buzzing Toothbrush

My eldest child is 4-and- a-half. Let’s call her Api (because that’s her name). She has been refusing to eat my home cooked meals. Annoying? Yes. Very. Very annoying.

About 10 days ago, she stopped using the electric ‘buzzing’ toothbrush that she had begged for and I went out of my way to find. I was irritated but passive aggressively let it go – the whole, 'not worth an argument ' argument. Fine.

Guilty About Weaning

Lucas is 5 months old and weighs about 20 pounds. I’m thinking of weaning him from the boob and introducing solids. But I feel guilty about doing it. I am not sure what to do.

Before I turn 40

I’m an ‘old’ 32-year old. That’s kind of like the opposite of “being a young 65 year-old.”

I’m obsessed with my age and always have been. I suffered from great anxiety in the months leading up to my 25^th birthday and I put alot of pressure on years 25 – 30.

At 25 I made an unrealistic (and poorly though-out) list of things to have accomplished by the age of 30 which included things like:

1.  buy a luxury car
2. having (at least) 4 children
3. establishing my career
4.  publishing a book 
5.  retiring at the age of 30

To my 20 year-old self, from me at 32.

To my 20 year-old self, from me at 32.

If I could speak to my 20 year old self, what would say? (In no specific order)

1. Speak Up

Speak up, make yourself heard and exude confidence. If you have something to say, then say it and stop making excuses. You will not regret it. But you will regret and painfully remember each and every time that you should have spoken up, no matter how little the issue was/is, like in 7^th grade when you were desperate to enter the math competition at a local high school, but too timid to tell your teacher that you really wanted to do it. Gabriela, you probably would have won it.

I'm trying to lose weight AGAIN

I have been complaining alot recently about sorting out and changing several aspects of my life. I feel miles away from where I’d like to be. But while I have spent a ton of energy complaining, I have done very little to actually bring about any change. I’ve sort of been waiting for someone or something to sort things out for me. I am actually tired of the sound of my complaining voice. If I were a friend of mine, hearing me complain all the time, I’d smack me and walk away.

Birth Story: Third Baby ; First C-Section

I really didn’t think that the birth of my third child would present any problems – sort of a ‘been there done that’ type of thing. Then I was hit with a meteor shower of “get over-yourself.”

Red-Light; Green-Light: My Daughter’s First Day of School

Red-Light; Green-Light: My Daughter’s First Day of School

Where have the last four years gone?

I cannot sleep. Today is A’s first day of formal education. In the next hours she will wake up an enthusiastic 4 year-old, clueless as to how different her life will be going forward. Together we will go about getting her fed, uniform sorted, hair brushed and making sure she is ready for the day ahead.

I am incredibly thrilled for her. She will learn to read, write, explore her interests in after-school clubs, make new friends, figure out where her interests lie and learn how to tie her own school tie.  What character will she choose for World Book Day? I can’t wait for all of that.  

Fresh Apple Cinnamon Muffins

I'm off of sweet sweets with this pregnancy. Well only marginally. The girls wanted to bake cupcakes and cookies, but this, I thought, was a good compromise. Easy to make. Not too sweet (does not call for loads of sugar). Easy for the girls to help and they are a kid perfect size. The recipe says it makes 12 but I only managed to get 10. Still - I am making another batch tomorrow. Oh - I also left out the nuts. 

Forever 31 : A Dear John Letter to Forever 21 & Abercrombie & Fitch

To My Sweet Darlings,

Let me just start by saying that it’s not you. It’s me. I’ve changed. You haven’t. I don’t blame you necessarily. I am not sure how to put this into words but I will try as best I can. I’ve tried to hold on for as long as I could. But the truth is that my needs have changed and you haven’t changed with me. Sadly, as a result, I am no longer able to comfortably visit your shops greeting the happy young attractive well-groomed but funky staff only to try on clothes that are poorly made, fall unflatteringly to accentuate my ageing curves, sagging arms, tummy strained by childbirth and just plainly remind me of a time gone by.  

I quite literally need more, and that is something that you are unable to give me. I need more support, a more carefully cut pattern and lines that compliment, not to mention a more forgiving return policy and an alterations department.

Peanut Butter Brownies

This Mother's Day in the UK, instead of buying gifts, the girls made brownies for Granny and Auntie. This was an easy recipe to do with the girls. I did all of the heating up and they did all of the pouring, mixing & adding. The best part was how excited they were to give the gifts away once completed. The time for our guests to arrive couldn't come soon enough and jackets were barely off before they were each shoving a box in someone's face. As for the brownies they are lovely with a perfect flaky crust. Just as brownies ought to be.

Crazy Hair

I finally managed to get C's hair into braids. It took me about 10 minutes per braid and they were so tight that they stood stiff in the air like antlers, none-the-less they were braids. No small feat as the hair gods haven't really blessed her with lovely long locks. 

St. Patricks Day boutonniere and necklace

St. Patrick's Day is just days away (and its snowing outside) so C and I used colored paper, a cookie cutter, pipe cleaners and sticky tape to make necklaces for the girls and boutonnieres for H and I.

Perfect Sugar Cookies (Easter Themed)

I have to say, I think that these cookies taste fantastic and the girls think they are incredibly cute. They are a perfect balance of butter and sugar appealing to both children and adults.  The dough is so easy to work with that even kids can handle it and mine did. The frosting recipe is easy and dries hard for mess free storage.