Before I turn 40

I’m an ‘old’ 32-year old. That’s kind of like the opposite of “being a young 65 year-old.”

I’m obsessed with my age and always have been. I suffered from great anxiety in the months leading up to my 25^th birthday and I put alot of pressure on years 25 – 30.

At 25 I made an unrealistic (and poorly though-out) list of things to have accomplished by the age of 30 which included things like:

1.  buy a luxury car
2. having (at least) 4 children
3. establishing my career
4.  publishing a book 
5.  retiring at the age of 30

To my 20 year-old self, from me at 32.

To my 20 year-old self, from me at 32.

If I could speak to my 20 year old self, what would say? (In no specific order)

1. Speak Up

Speak up, make yourself heard and exude confidence. If you have something to say, then say it and stop making excuses. You will not regret it. But you will regret and painfully remember each and every time that you should have spoken up, no matter how little the issue was/is, like in 7^th grade when you were desperate to enter the math competition at a local high school, but too timid to tell your teacher that you really wanted to do it. Gabriela, you probably would have won it.

I'm trying to lose weight AGAIN

I have been complaining alot recently about sorting out and changing several aspects of my life. I feel miles away from where I’d like to be. But while I have spent a ton of energy complaining, I have done very little to actually bring about any change. I’ve sort of been waiting for someone or something to sort things out for me. I am actually tired of the sound of my complaining voice. If I were a friend of mine, hearing me complain all the time, I’d smack me and walk away.

Birth Story: Third Baby ; First C-Section

I really didn’t think that the birth of my third child would present any problems – sort of a ‘been there done that’ type of thing. Then I was hit with a meteor shower of “get over-yourself.”

Red-Light; Green-Light: My Daughter’s First Day of School

Red-Light; Green-Light: My Daughter’s First Day of School

Where have the last four years gone?

I cannot sleep. Today is A’s first day of formal education. In the next hours she will wake up an enthusiastic 4 year-old, clueless as to how different her life will be going forward. Together we will go about getting her fed, uniform sorted, hair brushed and making sure she is ready for the day ahead.

I am incredibly thrilled for her. She will learn to read, write, explore her interests in after-school clubs, make new friends, figure out where her interests lie and learn how to tie her own school tie.  What character will she choose for World Book Day? I can’t wait for all of that.  

Fresh Apple Cinnamon Muffins

I'm off of sweet sweets with this pregnancy. Well only marginally. The girls wanted to bake cupcakes and cookies, but this, I thought, was a good compromise. Easy to make. Not too sweet (does not call for loads of sugar). Easy for the girls to help and they are a kid perfect size. The recipe says it makes 12 but I only managed to get 10. Still - I am making another batch tomorrow. Oh - I also left out the nuts. 

Forever 31 : A Dear John Letter to Forever 21 & Abercrombie & Fitch

To My Sweet Darlings,

Let me just start by saying that it’s not you. It’s me. I’ve changed. You haven’t. I don’t blame you necessarily. I am not sure how to put this into words but I will try as best I can. I’ve tried to hold on for as long as I could. But the truth is that my needs have changed and you haven’t changed with me. Sadly, as a result, I am no longer able to comfortably visit your shops greeting the happy young attractive well-groomed but funky staff only to try on clothes that are poorly made, fall unflatteringly to accentuate my ageing curves, sagging arms, tummy strained by childbirth and just plainly remind me of a time gone by.  

I quite literally need more, and that is something that you are unable to give me. I need more support, a more carefully cut pattern and lines that compliment, not to mention a more forgiving return policy and an alterations department.

Peanut Butter Brownies

This Mother's Day in the UK, instead of buying gifts, the girls made brownies for Granny and Auntie. This was an easy recipe to do with the girls. I did all of the heating up and they did all of the pouring, mixing & adding. The best part was how excited they were to give the gifts away once completed. The time for our guests to arrive couldn't come soon enough and jackets were barely off before they were each shoving a box in someone's face. As for the brownies they are lovely with a perfect flaky crust. Just as brownies ought to be.